Brain Food #693
The Abilene Paradox
Thoughts of the day
I recently came across what is known as the Abilene Paradox, which refers to a situation when a group makes a collective decision that is counter to the thoughts and feelings of its individual members. Unlike groupthink, where all individuals are actually in alignment and believe in what they are agreeing to, the Abilene Paradox states that often groups will agree to something they are actually against.
In these situations, getting along with the group becomes more important than doing what is best for you, but also for the rest. And so, the group makes a decision that none of its members are happy with.
Not saying what is on our mind to avoid friction or to please others may often seem like the easier path to take (in other words, taking the path of least resistance). But it is also much easier, in the long run, to speak up at the beginning, instead of finding yourself deep inside a journey that should have never been taken in the first place.
Creating conditions where people can be heard with respect and without fear, or having leaders that can see through this, and challenge the decisions of the group, can help reduce the presence of the paradox. Knowing the paradox exists in the first place is a good place to start. Managing agreement becomes as important as managing disagreement.
The Abilene Paradox can also live (and in fact start from) within oneself. If we repeatedly find ourselves in situations that are not true to who we are, perhaps it is time to start being more honest with ourselves.
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
― Virginia Woolf
If you would like to read the entire paradox, here is the text written by Jerry B. Harvey, who coined the term:
“On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a [50-mile] trip to Abilene for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."
The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad as the drive. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted.
One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it?" The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.
The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.”
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